Just shut up and listen

By DAVID EPPS
Contributing Writer

Anyone who has listened to talk radio or watched news programs on television is aware that very little true dialogue is occurring these days. Mostly, what people are doing is trying to shout down or talk over the opposition without ever taking the time to listen to what the other side may be saying.

We have “red states” and “blue states,” “conservatives” and “liberals,” “progressives” and “moderates.” We have found it comfortable to put people into categories and assume that all come from the same mold. We have stereotyped and profiled each other because it requires much less effort than listening to each other.

What we do have is noise — a great deal of it. But the problem is that if one is continually defending one’s position, it is nearly impossible to see any reasonableness in another’s arguments and, in any case, it is unlikely that any decisions will be reached unless there are clearly winners and losers.

I don’t really care if we “all just get along.” But I do think it is vital that people cease shouting, rest their vocal cords, and listen to each other for a while. Most of us, when we have an opinion, gather others around us who share the same opinion and, through meetings, forums, e-mails, telephone calls, and coalitions come to the sure conclusion that we are right and that we represent the true and the good while people who don’t share our views are the false and the bad.

Certainly, we see this in local and national politics. In local politics, people demonize those who serve in the shrillest manner possible. All one has to do is turn to the “letters to the editor” or, worse, to those forums that allow people to speak with anonymity to read the vicious rhetoric aimed at one side or another. In national politics, leaders of one party unrelentingly assault the members of the other with the results of a divided nation and an inefficient government.

Families, too, often fall prey to this shrill defense of entrenched positions. People who began a life together with much love, devotion, hope, and vision encounter problems as they scrape and bump up against one another. If they communicate — that is, take the time to listen to each other with the resolve to solve the problems as they arise — they will, God willing, celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary together. If, however, they refuse to listen, adamantly guard and defend their own emotional perimeters, and attempt to shout down the other voice, the divorce lawyers will be the only ones who profit.

Churches, even whole denominations, are not immune from this curse of the need to be right. I personally know of a church in Tennessee that nearly split over the color of the proposed new hymnals. One wonders why people divide over such trivial matters, but when we close our ears and open our mouths, the results are often hurtful, disgraceful, even catastrophic. The Book of James says, “If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue ... this man’s religion is worthless” (James 1:26 NASB). The vocal defense of our own positions may stem from what James calls “bitter jealousy and selfish ambition” in our hearts (3:14) and says that even our thinking processes are not the result of wisdom “which comes down from above,” but is, rather, “earthly, natural, demonic” (3:15).

My wife and I recently spent a week together on vacation with another couple. The other lady and my wife work together and, while I had met the husband several times, we really didn’t know each other very well. He is definitely a “blue state” kind of guy while I am mostly of the “red state” orientation. We have differing views on quite a number of subjects but we both were intent on listening to each other during our frequent discussions and neither committed the indignity of trying to out-shout the other. I came away appreciating him and the reasons for his viewpoints and, although neither probably convinced the other to alter his position, I believe we both were enriched. More importantly, we enjoyed the vacation together and would do it again.

The Book of James advises “everyone to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger ... ” (James 1:19 NASB). I fear that in politics, in the family, even in church, we are more likely to be deaf, be loud, and be mad. The results are polarized communities, a divided nation, broken families,  shattered churches, and imploding denominations. My father used to say, when I was attempting to defend my errant ways, “Just shut up and listen!” It was some of the best advice I’ve ever received.